Thanks for the reply!.
The other thing that is really bothering me is his avoidance. I can admit to my problems and am ashamed for the pain that I have been causing him. I am trying to look into myself and my practices to see what can be done to make life easier for me and him. I know I need to change my behavior, I know I need to get over my trust issues, I know I need to strengthen my self-esteem and independence. But it's hard when the other person in the relationship doesn't see that they are having issues too and that it's causing their love pain as well. I feel like I have no support on this journey that I am embarking on because he is so detached and avoidant right now. He changed jobs earlier this year in October and started to work from home again as a contract web developer - though he was with a company this time and making much better company then when he was doing it on his own. He bought a laptop to work at home with and to be able to take on-site sometimes so he could have meetings with the staff and get the personal interaction. I have been proud of him (and told him so) that he has been able to do what he really wants to be doing and getting paid well for it. However, in the last month he has started to go to bed at 10am or later in the morning and sleep until 7/8pm or even later, he hasn't been working from what I can see ('course I'm asleep at normal people hours) and he put off picking up his paycheck until mid-month this past month so I wound up having to support us on my pay for several weeks. He also plays computer games for hours upon hours when we are together usually watching tv. It is making me scared for what our future could be like. I realize I may have pushed him too far with emotions and clinginess but every one has a choice on what to do with that. I don't quit going to work, socializing with my family and friends when I get depressed; I guess instead I yell and interrogate..
AHHH I love summer.
The watermark is in exactly the wrong place for this pic..